Romeo minus Juliet
by WickedRocksSoMuch
Summary: The story of what actually happened to Juliet Capulet and Romeo Montague. Told from the point of view of Juliet's little sister. Oneshot.


AN: I'm a Shakespeare addict. I freely admit this. I also had a lot of spare time today. Thus was born this tale. It's told in the first person. You decided whether or not it is true.

I've been alive for nigh on 500 years. I'm getting tired of my story being told wrong. 400 years ago I tried to tell it to some English playwright, but he got it all wrong. Putting death scenes where there shouldn't be. Having the heroine end up with the wrong guy. I'm here to set the record straight.

Juliet was a wonderful girl. I was very jealous. I had every right to be, I was her little sister. What's that? She didn't have one? That's more of the nonsense that Shakespeare fellow came up with, isn't it? My name's Lydia.

My sister was told that she was going to marry Paris. Whoopee. She really liked the guy and I was happy for them. But one day at a party Papa had thrown for them, I saw some jerk from the Montague family looking at her. I sent my sister and Paris away and put on her veil.

I snuck up on the enemy. He turned around and stared at me. Evidently he thought I was my sister. "If I profane with my unworthiest hand..." he started into a very long, boring speech about how pretty I was. I responded the way I thought my sister would.

I knew I was doing my sister a favour but this guy was not only boring but he was really a jerk. It seemed it was this Romeo person was the one that I had heard tell about. Halfway through the conversation I decided that he was not getting anywhere near my sister.

The creeper bid me adieu and scampered away. He was really lucky that Papa had made me promise not to injure anyone until after dinner. I had to think of a way to keep him away from Juliet.

But I didn't need to think long because apparently he thought that I was Juliet. Dimwit, but a persistent one. I say he was persistent because that's the only word for it. I saw him beside my balcony that night so I pretended that I was in love with him. Blech.

But you had to give the guy points for finding out where my room was. Creepy points, but points nonetheless. I had already come up with a plan so I spent the better part of an hour talking about how we were getting married the next day.

After he left I spoke with my maid, she's my best friend not much older than me. She had a huge crush on this Romeo guy so she agreed to pretend to be me and marry him. Brilliant. I didn't know how badly things were going to go.

Meanwhile, my sister and Paris had gotten married without event. They really were a very cute couple. I made sure that Romeo didn't find out about it.

Kate (my maid) and Romeo got married in secret the next day. She was thrilled. Unfortunately, I found out that my cousin Tybalt had found out about Romeo being at the party. He's a real hothead and so, naturally, he challenged Romeo to a duel. Well, he asked me to be his backup when he challenged Romeo.

So he and I went to gave Romeo the third-degree. He was much angrier than I was, well, a little bit angrier. One thing led to another (I've blocked it from my memory) and my cousin lay dead and the killer stood staring at what he'd done.

Whatever you've heard about Romeo avenging his best-friends murder is a load of nonsense. He was just mad and he started it. That's the truth of it, like it or not.

After I saw Romeo do what he did, I screamed at him that he was going to pay and that I would chase him to the ends of the earth to make him pay. I really lost my cool, but it wasn't without reason.

Romeo split. He brought Kate with him and never came back. Juliet and Paris mourned Tybalt deeply, they were all pretty close. For my part I locked myself in my room and wouldn't come out for days.

When I finally did come out I told my family that there was something I had to do. I travelled the world looking for Romeo. I finally found him in some place called England. He found some kind of writer person named Arthur Brooke and was telling the story all wrong, placing himself in the role of misunderstood heartthrob.

I couldn't convince the writer otherwise so that's the version your stuck with. But I did manage to have my vengeance. The jerk otherwise-known-as Romeo had left Kate and divorced her. That guy... just thinking about him now makes me mad. What he did to my family...

My vengeance was simple, really. I won't tell you what I did, but I left him a broken man. I found Kate and made sure she was adopted into a nice family. I set her up with a very nice fellow named Pertruchio (I bet you heard the wrong version of that too.)

Once my work had finished I settled down into a nice place somewhere in Italy. When I did this I found out that I was set the responsibility of telling everyone the right version of the tale. In other words, I wasn't allowed to leave until I had done this.

I spent several hundred years studying the language of the times. As you can see, I became rather fluent. After submitting my story to several publishing companies, I found this website. I leave it to you to decide the truth of my statement.

AN: Whether or not this is true is up to you. As you can see, I strongly dislike Romeo. He sucks. But please, review!


End file.
